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Oh Dark night of the soul is the understanding that I seek. In my life’s journey I have learned that the “journey” is as important as the destination. How do we navigate through the mire and the sunshine. Who do we prop up, push down and take along. How we crawl run or skip. All of this matters to God, so I suppose it should matter to me.
NO I don’t want to think about how I impact the world around me. You see if I acknowledge the very thing I choose to ignore then and only then am I not responsible for the world around me? When I sneak away at night to roam the darkness of my heart and give into the lust and depravity swimming in my mind, do I not hurt those who love me most? What to do what to do what to do???
My soul cries out to be free of the sin the clouds my eyes from knowing the truth about me, you and God. When you first reached into my soul I could scarcely understand the total ramification of a life of sanctification. This is not a journey for the faint of heart or the strong of will. It is a journey for the broken and beaten. For those of us who know we have no hope in ourselves. We can with ease look around at the destruction we have caused and know what we don’t know.
As Elijah sat under the broom tree praying to be set free from his fears so am I oh Lord. My eyes have seen your wondrous works and my ears have heard you gentle whisper bid me come. I have looked upon your Glory and was filled with your living Spirit. Now I pray as David prayed “1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?” Where have you gone? What have I done to dive you away? I did nothing to draw you close so how could I push you away? Is it a test to show me about myself? I wish I would have never experienced the times when you intersected my life with your presence. For then I would not know what I am missing………